Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
