Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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