i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
