marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
