my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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