She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
