i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
