just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
