He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
