So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
