for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize