tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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