i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
