I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
