During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
