you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
