it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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