you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
