Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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