We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
