Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
