I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Randomize
