Me too!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
