Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
