he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
