she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
And my parents said I crawled through the house
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
