when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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