Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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