quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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