I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Text me some of your sweat
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
