Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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