The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
