Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
