He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
