Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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