I showed him my bush... on skype.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
