The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Found the puke drawer
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
