This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
