Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he was CRYING into my vagina
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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