Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
