So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
