It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
