OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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