I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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