I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
