I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
he just fucked me for my cheese..
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
