I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
