She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
