she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
