Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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