I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
