I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
