I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
