Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
