the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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