im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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