just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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