k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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