Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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