I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
