im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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