we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
