remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
