yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
