She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He better not be in your backpack
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
